How To Be a Supermodel

I think most kids grow up to work dead-end jobs simply because they didn't know how to get to their dream ones.

So this one's for the little girls. Every little girl has dreamed at one point in their lives of being a supermodel.

Fame, fortune, stalkers. What's not to like?

Things You Can Do Now To Prepare For Your Future As A Supermodel

• Be tall. Supermodels need to be able to look down on everyone else. Before you go to sleep at night, concentrate for thirty minutes on making your bones grow. Stretch with your mind. You can do it!
• Go to the gym. You need to be in great shape to be a supermodel. But remember - we're going for tone here, not muscle. If you think your neck is disappearing, put down the dumbbells.
• Actually you're going to put down everyone, but we'll get to that.
• Smirk, don't smile. You're not going to be happy being a supermodel. You're going to be annoyed. Remember that you're above it all, and you're just doing it for the money. If you smirk well, the people looking at your smirk will feel compelled to hand you their cash.
• Eat well. And by eat well, I mean don't eat stuff that's bad for you, like food. Food makes you fat. Except celery.
• This should be your motto: No food except celery so I can accept a salary.
• You're welcome.
• Rely on your looks. You don't need to pay attention in school. You can have the nerds do your homework for you. You should start expecting everything in life to be handed to you on a silver platter.
• This will come in handy during the Miss America pageant you're going to win. Nobody wants a smart supermodel.
• Gold platters are gaudy.

What tips do you have for the kids?

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