How To Be A Ninja

I think most kids grow up to work dead-end jobs simply because they didn't know how to get to their dream ones.

So this one's for the kids. Every kid has dreamed at one point in their lives of being a ninja.

Fearsome weapons, precision agility, superior debating skills. What's not to like?

Things You Can Do Now To Prepare For Your Future As A Ninja

• Practice stealth. Quiet cunning is what sets ninjas apart from other dangerous men in bathrobes.
• One of my younger brothers was great at this. We'd find him in odd places, sitting quietly. Usually tall places, like on top of bookshelves. He was a climber.
• He also had a knack for disappearing after dinner, but before dishes.
• He still doesn't do dishes.
• Take ballet lessons. This will help you be light on your feet and get used to spinning for all those roundhouse kicks. It will also help you start your list of people you're going to visit once you're a bona fide ninja. They won't be making fun of you then!
• Learn martial arts. I'm not sure which ones, but I hear martial arts are part of this complete ninja.
• Scream at folks unexpectedly. Practice on your parents. Wait until your dad comes home from work. When he leans over to set down his briefcase, jump out from behind the door and yell "Aaiii!" If this doesn't work, try "hiii-ya!"

What tips do you have for the kids?

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