The User Virus

There's a reason I'm in the information technology field.

I like computers.  I enjoy helping folks use computers.  I like to work my way through complex problems and look like a genius afterward.

But mostly I just don't want to get dirty.

I'm especially squeamish regarding anything to do with bodily functions and/or fluids, specifically your bodily functions and/or fluids.

If I'm walking down the road and see you lying on the sidewalk in a pool of blood, gasping "Help me!", I'll be glad to call 911.  Otherwise you're on your own, buddy.

This sort of situation has yet to happen in my office full of accountants, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't get hazard pay.  My coworkers will come to work no matter how sick they are.  Some of these folks could give birth after being decapitated in a car wreck on the way to work and still manage to get here in time.

Here's how it plays out:

*Phone rings*

Me:  This is Ricky, can I help you?

Sick and Stubborn User:  My combuter is acting ub.  Can you come check it out?

Me:  Sure, I'll be right there.  Are you sick?

Sick and Stubborn User:  No, it's just allergies.


*A couple days go by*


Me:  You sound awful, are you sure you're not sick?

Sick and Stubborn User:  It's just allergies!  *Achooooo!*


*A couple days go by*


Me:  How's your allergies?

Sick and Stubborn User:  The doctor said I have bronchitis.  And pneumonia.  And the hauntavirus.  And the flu!  I'm not contagious though.

Me:  Of course not.  Why don't you take a few days off?

Sick and Stubborn User:  I don't want to use my sick days.  Gotta save 'em for when I need 'em.

Me:  You're insane.  Go home.

Sick and Stubborn User:  Why are you wearing gloves and a SARS mask?

Me:  It's standard network anti-virus equipment.

Sick and Stubborn User:  I see.  What are you drinking?

Me:  Hand sanitizer.