Winners Never Quit
Mom: What's wrong, Honey?
Me: My baseball team stinks. We never win!
Mom: Well, you're just trying to have fun.
Me: It's not fun! I hate losing all the time. I should just quit.
Mom: Winners never quit!
Me: Of course they don't. I wouldn't quit if I was winning, either. But if they did quit, then maybe I could win!
Hard Work Builds Character
Dad: Go pull some weeds.
Me: Why?
Dad: It builds character.
Me: I have character.
Dad: You need to build some more character.
Me: My younger brothers should go build some character. I have enough character!
Dad: You can never have enough character. Now go pull weeds before you get a spanking.
Me: Are you coming with me?
Dad: Nope!
Me: But you need to build character!
Dad: I have enough character.
Don't Take Advantage of Others
Drunk Old Guy in the small town cafe my family was eating lunch in: Oh, there's the kids! I see the kids! God loves the kids!
*Stumbles over to our table*
Drunk Old Guy: Hi kids! Do you want somethin' ta eat? Here's a dolla...a dollar for each of you's!
*My older sister and younger brothers timidly accept the bills. Mine has already been transferred to a safer spot, hidden under my plate.*
Mom: All right kids, give the nice gentlemen his money back.
Siblings: Ok, here you go.
Me: What money?
*The old guys' friends are helping him to the door*
Mom: The dollar he gave you. Give it back.
Me: I don't think he gave me one.
*Mom points to my plate. She never fell for my magic tricks, either*
Mom: Now.
Me: But he gave it to me!
Mom: Give. It. Back. Now!
*I grudgingly follow the Drunk Old Guy to the door*
Me: Here you go, Sir.
Drunk Old Guy: It's the kids!
Drunk Old Guy's Friend: Here, take this. The kid's giving you your dollar back.
Drunk Old Guy: Such a sweet kid. Hey everbody! The kid's givin' me a dolla!
